The Wall

If you follow me on Facebook or come into contact with me on a regular basis you are probably aware that I have recently taken on a new attitude toward my life. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. I’ve realized that I have very little control in what happens around me, the only things I have control over are my reactions, my interactions, my relationships with people and my health (for the most part). So, instead of driving myself crazy trying to plan for every possible scenario and feeding my anxiety when I have no control, I’m going to focus on letting the universe take the wheel and focus on the things that I can. Most recently, I have been setting a number of challenges for myself and inundating your Facebook newsfeed with them. (#100HealthyDays ring a bell?)

Most days I am excited about this new part of my life, and then there are days where I am just exhausted and want to do nothing but curl up and sleep through the next week or two. Today was one of those days. For no reason other than an impending monthly hormonal shift, I woke up in a decent mood but as soon as I got in the car to head to work I felt my entire mood shift. All of a sudden I was tired, crabby, irritated and just plain over it. I have no explanation and until about 45 minutes ago I saw no sign of the wall coming down, the whole scenario made me incredibly anxious, I couldn’t focus on anything or anyone. Thankfully, I didn’t have anything on my calendar for the day so after spending as much time in the office as possible, I came home to work from my kitchen table. I was definitely more productive and managed to ease my anxiety a little bit as I created and got through my to-do list in my yoga pants with the summer breeze streaming through the kitchen window. After I decided it was quitting time, I laid down on the couch and almost instantly fell asleep with Allie cuddled on top of me. Less than 30 minutes later I woke up and felt, at the very least, the anxiety lessen. As I stood over the stove making my go-to dinner (two eggs over easy on toast with hashbrowns) I realized that having crappy days is just a part of life. I think because I have been trying so hard to be positive and focus on the good that I almost felt like a failure when such a bad mood took over me for no apparent reason. I mean, if someone had punched me in the face as soon as I got into the parking lot at work, THAT would have been a good reason to be a bitch all day, I had no cause. Again, no control.

857de61badd283ab93a4f4a03eedb4a3Even though I have been slowly feeling better I have been giving myself a guilt trip about not working out today. I have already reached my 100 miles for the month and I usually give myself 2 days in a week to opt out if I want but it’s only Monday! A couple of bites into my eggs I realized that everyone deserves a day off, no matter what “off” means, everyone deserves that time to just free themselves of whatever is holding them down to just rest and regroup. There is nothing wrong with taking a breather. Today was my reboot. It wasn’t fun, specifically for the people that had to spend time around me, but stepping back and looking at what I have accomplished helped me realize that taking a break from trying so hard all day everyday is probably healthy.

Moral of the story – take a break. Whatever that means for you, take a break, without guilt or anxiety. Don’t wait until your brain puts a wall up and forces you to do so.

Here’s to a week that ends in a better way than it started.

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