I have high expectations for just about everyone in my life. I’m not entirely sure what it stems from, but I suspect that I have transferred the high expectations I have for myself onto those around me. I expect honesty, transparency when possible, and effort. I want to feel as though any person I am in some form of a relationship with puts just as much into the relationship as I do. Reciprocal effort ebbs and flows. At some point, one, or both of us will need more out of the other, that’s what life is about: embracing the ebbs and flows.
Just as any other thirty-one year old has, I have gained and lost a number of friends over the years, it’s a natural process to build new relationships and to grow out of old ones. As someone that can be rather introverted and is a self-diagnosed homebody, sometimes it is hard to be my friend. I’m not the one that is going to be excited for a night out on the town, I am not spontaneously going to jump up on a Sunday afternoon to go out for lunch. I need a plan, a safety net, and quite frankly, the right mood. For some, that seems completely preposterous. Others accept me as I am and in turn, I push myself outside of my comfort zone to meet them where they are. For those that don’t understand or are not willing to take me as I am, our relationships usually fade. That’s okay. For every relationship that has faded I have built a bond with someone else that is willing to let me be me.
Over the last month or so, I have realized how amazing some of my friends are. Never have I had such an outpouring of love on my birthday, and when we realized that Justin’s health was now front and center I received a such a customized version of support I had never been offered before. The quiet support is what I feed off of: the text messages, the one-on-one conversations, the cards and e-mails. The flexible love that is understanding of how I function as a human being. These people really know me!
I’m not great at remembering to thank people or to make sure they are aware of when they have made an impression on me. While I’m working to correct that I’d like to dedicate the rest of this post tonight to my friends.
To the friend who knew to text me after I came back into the meeting on the day I received the call from Justin’s doctor. You noticed that something was off, asked if I was ok, let me respond, and knew that I wasn’t ready to talk about it. As you got up to walk out of the meeting I couldn’t make eye contact with you, I was choking back tears. You closed the door, I looked down at my phone and your text “Know I’m with you” got me through the rest of the meeting.
To the friend who encouraged me to write about my story on this blog. Thank you for encouraging me to use this platform for me. I had such hesitation with putting myself out there, and am still hesitant each time I do, but your encouragement and excitement when I did makes me know I made the right choice.
To the friend who wrote me the sweetest text message after reading this blog. I have a hard time taking a compliment so reading your text about being an inspiration to you blew me away. I still can’t believe you would think “What Would Emily Do?”!
To the friend that bombarded me with a giant hug and lets me crash in her office on a daily basis. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to you about anything yet when I walked into your office, you got a huge smile on your face, jumped up, wrapped your arms around me, and asked me how I was doing. It was exactly what I needed. Thank you for not telling me to hit the road on a regular basis when I crash in your office for my impromptu therapy sessions.
To the friend that sent me a card in the mail hoping that it would arrive in time for me to read on a day that would expectantly be a rough one. Even though I got it a day later, it was so thoughtful, and funny. It did exactly what you wanted it to, made me feel good and laugh when I may not want to.
My friends are awesome but this was far too mushy of a post!