It has been a while. I hadn’t realized how long, I kept assuming it had only been a week. It’s been two.
I have been stuck in this swirling headspace of wanting to do more. Wanting to redefine the brand of this blog, wanting to build my graphic design work, and find a way to meld all of the things that I want to do into a single mission. After spending the last two weeks thinking, brainstorming, planning, and doing research, I have determined the only thing I need is an endless bank account and a new laptop. No big deal.
This discovery has left me feeling a little defeated, so I remained in my swirling head space, not really accomplishing anything, dreaming of how it COULD be.
I had fully intended to go into last week thinking positively and like I could accomplish my goals. Then, on Monday morning, I went to my first doctor appointment in eight years. In eight years I had not gone to have an annual exam, and it wasn’t until I started noticing issues that I decided to go, despite the begging, pleading, and yelling of my closest friends and family. I went to a new doctor, in an office I had never been in before. I was nervous, not because I thought something awful was wrong with me, but because I had no idea what to expect. I answered the questions, told my eight year story, and went through the expected exam. My doctor wanted more information. She added 3 more items to my itinerary: an ultrasound, endometrial biopsy, and blood work. Previously, the most invasive procedure I’ve ever had while in a doctors office had been getting a vaccine or giving a urine sample. The biopsy hit me like a ton of bricks, it was not what I had been expecting.
“All signs are leading to polycystic ovarian syndrome. Do you know what that is?”
No, I didn’t. She explained, but I wasn’t really following the details. Hormones, cysts, ovaries, acne, anxiety/depression, meds, low carb diet…
I got the gist, I had a hormonal imbalance that could be causing cysts to grow on my ovaries, effecting my cycle and instigating a series of side effects. I could go on medication immediately or try a low-carb diet to see if an impact can be made. I chose the latter.
I left the office feeling overwhelmed, distracted, and in pain. Not exactly what I had been expecting. Throughout the day I talked with my friends, Justin, my Mom, sister, and aunt. Everyone was supportive, ready to help me push through the initial lifestyle change toward a new low-carb diet. The rest of the week was difficult, but with a ton of research, I found some strategies for eating within this new framework. It’s been hard, but there’s something about making this shift because you HAVE to compared to just wanting to make a change. Motivation can waver. Medical needs, typically, don’t.
In a week that I thought I would be moving forward on my business and career goals, I had to shift my focus to my personal health. So, I stayed quiet. I wasn’t active on social media, I didn’t blog, I didn’t get out my big idea notebook, I went grocery shopping, I tracked food, tried new recipes, and created a framework for how this need can fit into our life.
I’m not one to usually believe that “everything happens for a reason” but I’ll tell you what, I’m sure seeing connections between the events that lead me to the doctors office and what I know I needed: to focus on my own physical health. I refused to make it a priority in my life, but apparently life had a different plan.