I like to consider myself a logical person. I need an explanation and an understanding for everything. If you’ve been following The Corner Office for a while, or know me personally, this isn’t a surprise. I need information. Data. Understanding. A plan. I don’t believe in signs, or that the universe provides guidance as you go through life. There’s no explanation for that. No logic.
It does not compute.
2016 brought some hits to my little family. It hasn’t been easy, quite frankly, it has been one of the most difficult years for me personally. In that stress, anxiety, depression, and time of unknown I’ve been searching for the signs and looking for the explanation for the challenges that have been presenting themselves at every turn. It was surprising at first that in the absence of logic, I search for understanding in the universe – a concept that I don’t buy into. I suppose an explanation, any explanation, is better than nothing.
They’re small, but they’re there.
I was ambushed last week with some unexpected news, it came at a time when I wasn’t prepared to take it in. I was engaged in something else, something that needed my full attention and when I looked down at my phone are read the text messages it hit me like a ton of bricks. I turned my back to the group of people that I was supposed to be training, closed my eyes and when I opened them there were two of the most supportive people I’ve ever met staring back at me. Concerned looks on their faces, and I started crying. In that second I knew that these people were in my life for a reason, most likely for this very moment. To quietly comfort me while my back is to a room full of people, get me to refocus, and move forward in what needed to be done. Then the walked away. They didn’t push, they didn’t drag information out of me, they knew exactly how I needed to be supported in that situation. My relationship with them was for this exact moment.
The clarity made me further realize what will be important in the coming months – taking care of myself. I will be forced to make decisions on how my time is spent based on what my mind, body, and spirit needs. Justin’s transplant is looming around the corner and it will be the biggest fight of his life. My job during that time will not be anything other than supporting him to heal, a major part of that will be taking care of myself. My natural inclination to hustle, to push through, and raise the bar will be replaced with one question:
Whatever the response, that will be the new plan of action. Instead of creating an aggressive to-do list, I will be taking each day as it comes. If I need to rest, I’ll rest. If I need to focus on work, I’ll work. If I want to blog, I’ll blog. Caring for Justin and taking care of myself – that’s my new 2017 goal. Nothing more, nothing less.
In the last four days there were a series of signs that brought me to this place. A series of conversations, pieces of information, random social media posts, and observations pointed me toward reframing my expectations for 2017. I’m grateful that they were there and that I was open enough to see them fall into place.