Lists & Links: Perfectly Random

At the end of last year, I started a new category here on TCO called: Lists & Links. These posts are full of fun, little, things that I wanted to share with you that don’t necessarily warrant an entire post – a perfectly random bag of things, just for you! It’s been a while, but here we go!

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I have been obsessed with Panera’s new delivery services while I am at work – I tend to forget neglect to make a lunch on a daily basis and Panera delivery has saved me on more than one occasion. This week I tried a new cookie to curb my everlasting sweet tooth, and MY GOD was it delicious! It’s huge, pricey, decadent, and full of calories, I’m sure. But it’s delicious none-the-less.

For Christmas my sister gave me an Amazon Echo Dot (Alexa), and while we set it up and used it for a few weeks before Justin’s admission to the hospital, we had kind of forgotten it was there since coming home. We set everything up again this weekend and I’m already in love that we can connect our Spotify apps to it, and do little things like ask about the weather, set timers, and make lists. I’m sure there are many more sophisticated things Alexa can do, but for now she’s happy being our real, live, google machine.

I have been back to work for about four weeks now, and am still feeling like I’m catching up but my team has made the transition much easier for me than I had anticipated. They have been supportive, welcoming, excited, and engaged.  I thought coming back to work would be miserable, and in all actuality, it was a welcome addition to my routine that helped me focus on something other than medications, doctor appointments, and Justin’s every move. There are still hard days, but they have been incredibly understanding and supportive when those days come up.

My friend had been stalking me about downloading a new app called: ibotta a couple of weeks ago. She claimed it was awesome and that I needed to get it and start using it. With a roll of my eyes, I downloaded the app and started searching for rebates on things that I usually buy. I found a few things and on my next grocery trip found enough things to get $4.50 back in rebates. Not a millionaire making strategy, but I’ll take it! If you want to try it – use my referral code: ppfciim

Finally, I just finished the new Netflix docuseries: The Keepers this week. Man, I wasn’t quite expecting the emotional heaviness that it brought, but it definitely was an interesting story. I wish I could hear more or go and help those looking for answers. These women are amazing and so brave for telling their stories. I’m glad I heard about on one of my favorite podcasts and took the time to watch. If you’re interested in true crime, the systemic nature of religion, and are not triggered by sexual assault stories, check it out.

One Day at a Time

One Day at a TimeFor the first time in almost three months I am sitting down at my computer with the intention to write. I took a break to regroup, refocus, and really, to just breath. I was certain I would come back in a week and pick up where I left off, it seemed as I got more encouragement and praise that I had more to say, until I had nothing to say.

I’ve thought about writing a lot, thought about jumping on my computer and telling more of my story and each time I thought about it, I felt weighed down by the idea. My day to day life was too heavy and I couldn’t comprehend using my brain for anything other than binging on Netflix.

Being a caregiver of someone recovering from a bone marrow transplant is so much different than I had anticipated. I assumed it would be similar to being the caregiver of someone going through chemotherapy or radiation: difficult, frustrating, scary, but ultimately, bearable. A bone marrow transplant is, quite literally, a whole different beast. My can-do attitude and desire to take care of everything were irrelevant and those exact things sent me deeper into a space I didn’t know how to navigate.

Anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, catastrophizing, anger, loneliness, guilt: all of the words that have been brought up in my sessions with my therapist since Justin has come home. I had the hardest time understanding that I was grieving, mostly for the life that we had once considered “normal”. There was a new, unpredictable, normal that I couldn’t get a grasp on and it threw me for a loop.

I wish I could describe it to you, I wish I had words of wisdom for you, I wish there was something I could do to keep anyone else from ever feeling the way that I have over the last five months, but as I am learning, I have no control. At all. How disappointing.

I spent many days wondering how I would start writing again. How would I come back? Do I take a deep dive into my experiences over the last few months? Do I just skip over it and talk about all of the things that have gotten me through? Do I just pretend the three months never happened at all? What is the best way to try and regain some of your “normal”? I was apprehensive and insecure. So, here I am, unpolished, raw, and still trying to figure it all out. I suppose that’s all I can ask for at this point.

My world was flipped upside down and I’m still trying to get everything off of the ceiling. It will take some time, and every once and a while something will float back up, but progress is being made on both fronts: Justin’s health and my mental health. For now, we’re just taking it one day at a time.

Sabbatical

It’s funny how a stressful time can also bring clarity. I started out this year with dreams of contentment, progress, and moving forward. In my head that meant an ever-growing blog following, crazy social media stats, a blooming creative business, and finally, a light at the end of the tunnel on the last year of our lives.

I was talking to my mom recently, explaining to her how spending five weeks inside of a hospital room can make you realize just how unnecessary some things are in your daily life. The stress and the pause that forced on your life can create a vacuum where you have the ability to evaluate your time, your hobbies, your relationships, and the things that are important to you.

My entire outlook on life has changed in the last five weeks. Things that I once thought I was destined to do no longer seem of value. The petty, the dramatic, the time-suckers – they no longer deserve a place in my life. Life is short, and you’re, most certainly, not guaranteed anything beyond the here and now.

You see, I tend to go into things at one of two speeds: full throttle or half-assed. I thrive on the initial excitement that comes with a new idea or project, but as my enthusiasm begins to wane I lose sight of my founding inspiration, and then ultimately my desire to keep moving forward. I went at this year for The Corner Office full throttle. I was going to make my dream come true of writing for a living, and I was going to do it by growing this blog, creating social media pages, and interacting with the other bloggers in this community. In my quest to do this, I lost sight of my original passion: writing.

I’ve spent endless hours in a hospital room trying to go about my daily life – writing, posting, creating graphics, engaging on social media, keeping up with everything, and at some point, I just became so irritated with trying to keep up that I stopped. I took some time to pause. I reflected on what I wanted out of this space and this community – was it to create my own business? Was it to be some amazing, sought after, creative entrepreneur, photographer, graphic designer…the list is endless? No. I wanted to create a space to write, share my story, and, hopefully, inspire other people. I was disappointed with how distracted by the hustle I had become. I was going through life thinking about how I was going to document it for the masses instead of actually living my life. Which, let’s face it, is a huge problem in our society now – we live to share it on social media, not to actually experience it.

As I was packing my overnight back on one of my trips home I picked up my PowerSheets, a couple of markers, and a notebook. I wanted to take some time and search for clarity on how I see my life in the next year – it’s only March. There is so much time left in 2017 to get back to me. The next afternoon I spent a few hours, while Justin slept, looking out the window, sipping on coffee, and listening to…well…myself.

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The conclusion: I need to take a break and spend some time focusing on the real world and the things that are happening right in front of me. I need to be present. And being present means letting go of some things, at least for now.

I won’t lie to you, I contemplated contemplating deleting The Corner Office Blog. Walking away and getting back to focusing on just the writing was sounding really appealing. I asked a friend how crazy I was to even contemplate deleting TCO. She simply responded: You are not deleting your blog. I asked why and she said “I like it” – so there you have it. TCO will stick around, but, the constant pressure I put on myself to post, share, and promote will be going out the window.
I am taking a sabbatical. I’m not sure when I will post again – it could be tomorrow, next week, two months from now, or in a year. I am taking time to start planning my life out again and really listening to myself. Instead of letting the hustle take over, I am going to enjoy, I am going to learn, I am going to engage, and I am going to be present.

Mondays are for Making it Happen

Being outside of my usual routine, all of the days seem to run together. Waking up on my little pull out couch in Justin’s hospital room, I witness the hustle and bustle of a Monday but it still doesn’t feel like Monday. I woke up, walked down the hall to the bathroom, stopped to brew the first pot of coffee for the unit, stole some coffee for myself, and headed back to set up shop on my little couch looking out the window on the hospital campus as the parking lots fill up and the sidewalks start to fill with staff, patients, and students.

While my Monday morning is not structured as it normally would be, it’s a Monday nonetheless – and that calls for some motivation!

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REBLOG: Searching for Happiness – The Value of Suffering

reblogPart of my weekends are dedicated to catching up on my reading and networking with other bloggers. I was intrigued when I found a post on ScaleItSimple – a blog that focuses on Positive Vibes, Lifestyle, and Travel. Please take a moment and check out her post: Searching for Happiness – The Value of Suffering.

BLOG –> Scaleitsimple.com

FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, & TWITTER

Meet and Greet: 2/4/17

Join the Meet & Greet today!

Dream Big, Dream Often

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It’s the Meet and Greet weekend everyone!!  Strap on your party shoes and join the fun!  

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

See ya on Monday!!

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Mondays are for GRACE!

We could all use a little GRACE now and then – I’ve definitely been using my fair share over the last few weeks. Here is your Monday morning reminder that you are capable of so many things! More than you can even being to imagine! Dedicate some time to stillness: close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and listen to your body. Give yourself what you you need, even if it’s a little bit of grace.

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